Narcissistic Abuse
Recovery
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
To answer this question, we must begin with a different question: What is narcissism?
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Narcissism, in its simplest form, is a personality trait characterized by high entitlement and low empathy. As with all personality traits, narcissism falls on a scale that can range from mild to severe. In the mental health field, pending a demonstration of appropriate symptoms, narcissism is considered a mental health disorder, referred to as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
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Accompanying this presentation of high entitlement and low empathy is a particular manner of engaging in relationship that often proves problematic. At a base level, those who struggle with narcissism cannot relate to their partner emotionally, and therefore primarily relate to their partner and others through the lens of how this person benefits their needs/wants. This leads to behavioral characteristics such as gaslighting, blame shifting, bullying, and in some cases verbal or even physical abuse. These behavioral characteristics are what is referred to as Narcissistic Abuse.
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What can you do to help me?A lot. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery will involve education around your partner, yourself, the specific type of communication that occurs between a narcissist and his/her partner, and strategies to experience more peace in your home. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Narcissistic Abuse is ultimately a form of chronic (as in, repeated) trauma. Trauma is a fancy word for any event or circumstance that leaves you feeling out of control, wherein your current coping mechanisms do not suffice to regulate your emotional state. When this feeling of being out of control/dysregulated extends beyond the event itself, it is considered a trauma. In other words, when you have that blow out fight with your husband and wake up the next day still feeling sick to your stomach - yeah, that's a trauma. Your therapist therefore has the pleasure of doing trauma work with you, which may involve somatic work, family of origin exploration, shame excavating, and more.
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I think my romantic partner might be narcissistic, is there any hope he/she will change?Change is always possible, but change is also always a personal decision. Yes, your partner can absolutely change their ways, but this first requires that they personally find the motivation and desire to do so. Often when clients ask this question, they are really wondering "how do I make my partner see the flaw in their ways and change as a result?" Sadly, no one is able to force change in another. In Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, you will learn to make peace with this fact, and will learn strategies for how to engage with your partner as they are right now, rather than as you wish they would be.
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All my friends tell me to "just leave", is that what you're going to tell me too?No, absolutely not. The role of a therapist is not to tell you what you should or should not do, their role is to help you identify your own values/needs/wants, and to empower you to make decisions based off that space of authenticity. Depending on your circumstances, your therapist may need to discuss necessary changes for the sake of your physical/mental safety, but this conversation is a different one entirely from the question of whether you should stay or leave the relationship at large. That decision is and will remain up to you.
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Do you provide couples therapy for couples where narcissism is the core problem in their marriage/relationship?Research indicates that inviting a narcissist into a therapy environment with their partner is more harmful than helpful. Because the core focus of someone who struggles with narcissism is to protect their ego, in a therapy environment, they typically will be performing for the therapist and further gaslighting/blame shifting toward their partner. As a result, Restorative Hope does not support couples therapy involving a narcissist and their partner UNLESS the two have both been seeing individual therapists and have seen enough progress to be referred to couples work.
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What if my abuse is not related to a romantic partner - can you still help me?Absolutely! We specialize in all varieties of narcissistic abuse, be that from a partner, parent, or even boss/coworker. Narcissism, sadly, is found in all crevices of relationships, and we're glad to help you process any abuse you've seen related to it.
